Through everything and with everything

Monday, June 30, 2008

[ Touch you in the boring ray ]

Totally loving BeeGees-How Deep is your love at the very moment. It's truly incredibly amazing how one song can be a favourite jumping from one being to another, and making it last for at least a century. Have not been an avid fan of eminem lately, but I'm still glad he exists; contributing to the number of hot dudes, speaking of which, Oh my, johny depp is unGodly cute.

It's the early start of the week, of a BUSY week, I reckon. I'll probably be as busy as spain who is celebrating its glory of winning, not like I understand anything at all about football but the thing is I haven't been watching NBA games, too. So, metaphor, people. Let's list out, suckers;

D&D drawings ( tutorials 3 and 4 )
Law tutorial ?
Work on tuesday and sunday
movie marathon or sort of with baby girls
Squash on wednesday and friday ( I'LL GO )
chinese class on thursday

Funny how I could manage to type those out within time range of ten seconds. Like as though, I've been waiting for my whole life to be busy, for this moment. haha. I probably wouldn't have any time to blog, because most days I'll have writer's block or, laziness have more muscles than the need to be exposed. So, I'll see you people in a week time, aye (:

6:21 PM

Sunday, June 29, 2008

[ I'm not yet 17 ]

Work was usually fun, eventhough me and sis got locked out of the house which made us travel all the way to orchard to meet ahkong to get the key, & made me go to work with a bad choice of outfit and unmade-up face. Did taking orders, already, just now & chee siang let me taste his chocolate milkshake. Plus, hogs breath is playing up-to-date songs, already. This is super cool yo'. Besides, I was practically, and literally, running around the restaurant to meet the expectations of strangers, so that was pretty much considered a sport. haha.

11:15 PM

Saturday, June 28, 2008

[ Down the road been too many times ]

Met adilah baby before work; Work was great great great today. Moreover, yiling visitted me during work! Man, I like unexpected visits!Made me jump up and down for a second there :D Had shawn change his mind about me being fat and ugly to the other way round. haha. Worked with timothy and watson today. Felt like a nostalgia, only missing the bloody bunch of flirtings. Oh well, I hope the singer would come back next week. hahaha

I'm really shagged, whacked, simply put tired. I don't want to play these games anymore in which by the end of the time where both parties are so sick of each other already, they hurt one another. Oh I know where all those would lead, sister, trust me I do. For this is my life, and I know exactly that I can't do much longer than a life span of an ant; for I know break-ups would always be a nice touch as a full stop to something might be so great yet I just can't stand it. It's not like I have control of my life, y'know. I can't control the inevitable of hurt from knocking on the door. What I can do is to choose whether or not to get pissed and dwell over it. Been too many times yo', and they all led to the same spot. I know what's gon happen; so why bother anyway.

9:55 AM

Friday, June 27, 2008

[ This is a motherfucking closure ]

Hey mister, I have something to say now because you always had the last say.

I'm going to stay away from you, and I've regretted the thousand kisses I've blown at you, and all the hugs I've given away. Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes shut so tight. Said words can't be taken back, but I could say another so they wouldn't even matter anymore. When I said all those what I said, I meant it with my whole heart and life on the line. You clearly aren't that much of a smart pig hence you never want. and I'm shit tired for I been out there trying to get your attention for the past three months. So, there you go mister. Have a good life.

12:27 AM

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

[ That thing you do ( beat that pussy up) ]

I have never liked milk. When I was younger, I always poured out a glass of milk my mum gave me every morning, probably that explains why my bones aren't that fine. I tried to push down some oat milk down my throat today, and it took me half the day to finish 3/4 of it. Gave up the last quarter because looking at the carton even, made me make a sour face, already. But, I'll make an effort drinking milk everyday from now on.

I hate D&D. Brother went back already. sucks :/

4:17 PM

Monday, June 23, 2008

[ Gimme five man ]

So, school today was splendid. Eventhough I was falling asleep for the first few hours of IT, I preservered and still got nothing by the end of the day. Ha, shrugs, at least I tried. Law tutorial is almost done, only left with notes of words for presentation. Get well soon darling (:

Met brother at queensway after school to get my racket, so say hello to the racket that has yet to be named. Got some fbts which would be enough to last me for the next one year or two. Went down to far east, and brother sent me home before going to bedok. Love you bro (:

9:37 PM

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Time check; 12:25 AM

& I'm supposedly to be in bed since 25 minutes ago if it was not for my habit of not charging stuffs eventhough they are hanging by the thread. I need to be in bed because school is starting as early as 8.30 tomorrow, and yes, I am not skipping school because brother is going out with muks so I'd rather go to school and meet anisah and yilin darling. Holiday did not even feel like holiday at all. Bloody hell. Imma give this mofo 30 more minutes to be fully charged and hit the sack.

10:28 PM

[ eighth day; brother is here ]

Bloody fuck. I woke up with a chest of a hanging heavy heart. So heavy, I didn't even know what to do other than to lay on my bed and pull my blanket over my head & plug earphones onto my ears with ' florida - low ' on so loud, hoping that the weight in my chest would subsequently get low low low low. Won't you tell me what to do please? For pete's sake, just tell me what the hell should I do with you. I told you I will get over you, but all the fuck I've been doing is putting you on hold unnoticedly. I'm apparently not doing a very good job on that.

ANYWAY

Holiday ends here for you, but tomorrow for me because brother is here. ( hahaha) Mummy sent me a photo when I was just a month old. awwwwwww, how cute. meme's sis has like lots of different shit cool cameras. I keep a polaroid picture of me and meme hun in her dirty dirty kitchen ( hahaha).

2:31 PM

Saturday, June 21, 2008

[ Seventh day; alley to the memories ]

Hogs breath is fucking fun, I'm telling you. I was pretty held back few minutes before work, thinking that I wouldn't have much fun because, well, you know what. But, the minute shawn and the rest entered staff room, I could her him shouting my name and praises came flowing down. Eventhough he said that I'm a fat shorty with big butt and tummy, man, I just could not stop laughing. hahaha. Cheers to that, people.

I can't even feel my chest when I was there. Everything just came rushing back in a snap; you, what you did, how you smell, you. My God , I miss you. So much, my darling, so much I just want to bawl and cry cry cry. You wouldn't even give a hoot, wouldn't you ? Mister meanie.

11:16 PM

Friday, June 20, 2008

[ Sixth day; I'm grateful ]

Hello mr world. I'm just up few minutes ago, and I've realised ; I'm so lucky. Want to know why ? I'll tell you why sisters. True, my family are not exactly literally right besides me, but they are so plastered in my heart. Everything is working out well with ma', da', bro, sis & baby bro. We are not pretty much having the best times of our lives, right now & I pray for things to get better soon, but we're thistight. From all caps-locked smses my ma been sending me almost every day now ( & she would be mad and worried if I don't reply her, like right away ) to how my brother regularly smses me to ring him up ( and how, eventhough he's so faraway, I still could count on him on every situation ), I'm feeling blessed. My sister can be too much to handle at some times, okay screw it, most of the times, but she'll always be there. Be it to take every possible middle fingers I could give, or just to take care of me when I'm down and low.

Another point; I'm glad that I've been mixing the right friends. We're totally all over the place right now but we constantly meet every now and then, & even if we haven't been, you baby girls know you're always in heart. They are my damned happiness, if you ask me, who my world revolves around. I can just curl at one corner and cry if I have to mention whatever they've done. Put it that, I'm glad I have babes who I can always count on. Let's not forget ahkong who has been watching me grow and let's just say, he helped me a lot.

And school, I'm glad I've bumped to anisah and yiling darlings. For anisah always knows when I'm not feeling up, and how yiling never fails to make me laugh. and they are there when they said they'd be there in times of difficulties. Even meme honey who I can always count on to accompany me and make my days ( though we hardly connect ). & other friends, who always seem to sms me at the right times and make me feel warmed. People know how we've failed each other in the past but I'm pretty much thankful I was with you because without you, I would not be what I am. You know you're always be a part of me.

For all these happiness; cheers. ( going to swim over hailey baby and sleepover meme)

11:19 AM

Thursday, June 19, 2008

[ Fourth & fifth day; I'm fly and they got game ]

Met meme to shop around because I thought by then the money would reach, but oh well. Still, love you bro. Bought home more and more undies every day, hahaha. That day was fun fun fun. We laughed a lot and hard about things that couldn't be communicated smoothly. That's meme for yoll. Couldn't sleepover her place because the next day would be babygirl's birthday. on friday night, though! :D

Met babygirls at noon and made our way to botanical garden. It was bloody cool, I'm telling you. Even the heat and ants seemed to add up to the whole atmosphere.We even managed to frop by s&s after such a long long time. Bought long-sleeved and the same skirt with dionne and dilah babes, cut the sleeves of the shirt because it's too tight, though & loving it more. Love you baby girls. (:

8:49 PM

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

[ Third day; ceiling, my dear ]

It's tuesday & I did not do nothing much. The sound of the ringing phone startled me at eleven-forty, and I could not get back to sleep after that. So I clinged to TV from twelve to three, and decided to sleep back because there's nothing much on tv and I was getting extremely starving. Talked to meme the minute I got up, and chit-chatted a while with brother before I bathed. & now, I'm just waiting for seven to strike so I could watch the break-up. FYI; I'm still very hungry. I'm going to work at Hogs next saturday, then maybe I'd work on sunday and another day for the following week so I could get my paycheck to hit hundred

I was on my bed with the radio on so loud to eat up all the possible audible silence, & I had my eye cover on so I wouldn't see nothing and just concentrate on the dark. & then I lazily dragged myself out of the bed to shut my phone from vibrating indicating a message a received. Man, was I dejected. BUT, all that vanished when I read what you said. I was practically jumping around the room with even louder noise. That beats the fact that mr BS eyecandy talked about me ( embarassing things , but oh well ). Love you yo ' (:

5:43 PM

[ This is a post of insomniaism ]

It's five passed two, damn it, & both of my lids aren't the slightest bit heavy. If you ever ask me what are the things that I hate in life, this is probably one of them; How I can't sleep when I'm freakingly tired at the crack of the dawn. It's not just that, you know. I hate to be unoccupied, because if I am, I would start thinking and pondering. & I hate hate hate to think about things that have happened or that may/ may not happen. It would always spell me, it's all depends on me. & I'm a screwed up kid. Bloody hell. I wish I could just fastforward time so I can just bathe, doll up to be out and about. Rahhh, what the hell.

2:03 AM

Monday, June 16, 2008

[ Second day; headbang ]

I've been waking up at twelve in my favourite pyjamas for the past few days. Went to Temasek Poly to study and meet babygirls. It was shit cool. I wished I've gone to an institute that I would be proud of doing, instead of telling people that I'm studying cement and frying sand. But again, daddy wants daddy gets ( Love you 'da ). Went to cotton on with the borrowed money from ahkong and bought cute undies ! & I'm pleasantly thrilled, right now. Diet wasn't successful, but screw you. I tried headbanging, already. Like wooooo, it was fun even though the pain it inflicted carried on till the next day. I been really scared of moshing, but now, it wouldn't sound so bad. Maybe, one day. & my all-time crush. He featured me; I can just cry for that. (Hey you. I'm sorry, alright. please talk to me soon, if you haven't already know, I'm hurting )

Hello, it's 17 pass two o'clock, in the morning & yes, I can't sleep. This is probably due to the amount of caffeine I've consumed, or likely some things that keep me awake like as if I'm getting a sugar rush. I've grown out of that phase whereby I could just run from the responsibilities that I have to bear, and I hate that I had to. Like right now, everything is so hugely lethal as to what it could do to the later chapter of my life. I don't even want to do anything so I would not screw anything up, but life is that, no ? You do things which would mess your own damned Godforsaken life. It's scary, really. Bloody hell, it feels like it's only yesterday my ma' taught me how to comb my hair. This is fucking crazy; how we're living in the fast lane. This makes me want to spend all my money away on cotton on undies as an act of escapism.

No worries though. I promise by the end of this week, I'll keep in mind what an adult I've became & how I must think before I act.

10:50 PM

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Panties from cotton on ( hope they dont run out by wednesday )
Squash racket
notebooks
Hardcore shopping ( wednesday! )
Chill by the pool with bikini and a book
Tidy up my room & closet
A week of strict calories-consuming
Day of mani + pedi + mask + nose scrub + scrub

Those, my friends, are what I want to do with my life before school starts. Let's see how much of those will I strike by the end of next week (:

11:47 PM

Read about how I told you this feels like secondary four all over again ?Well, guess what. I lived yesterday like last year. I was totally, utterly feeling dejected about an awful lot of things. Ain't got no idea of what to do about each one of them, so I made my way to baby girl's crib.

Life changing moment it was, haha. I decided to quit my job because I want to enjoy life before school starts and I'd be damn occupied with squash/chinese/tutorials and what not. I decided NOT to do anything to my hair, unless rebond it and dye it black; going natural, I am yo'. I decided not to buy a camera now because, well I'm a broke ass & brother would be sending money over on monday which I'll be using for squash rackets and the like. I've decided not postpone things, ever again, and to do everything regularly. Yeh man, I'm sick of always being hoohaa everytime my electricty got cut off and blah blah.

On a super duper lighter note, I love hailey. & I love big brother.

& I'm super late to meet pat hun. hahaha

1:33 PM

[ FIRST DAY ]

Woke up at twelve despite both of us' intention to wake up earlier than eleven to order macdonalds for breakfast. Brother made egg sandwich plus fruit cocktail for breakfast, so decided to stay on to munch on them good food. Went home to bathe and yada yada yada. Was supposed to meet meme at two, but ended up meeting at three-thirty.

Dropped by flea market, far east plaza and back to dhobby for the happening. Bought pantie from cotton on which I'm dying to get more, shirt and hoodie by the end of the day. I had a lot of meal today, hahaha. I had first breaskfast at haileybaby's, mango milk tea, pattaya, mcflurry. I cannot wait for hardcore shopping with meme ! (:

Going to work at hogs breath for a day, or two, next week. It feels like more of visitting old mates. Brother and mummy are coming by the 22nd. & adilahbaby's turning 17, soon. This is the life yo', welcome to the good life of the poor and infamous.

11:56 AM

Friday, June 13, 2008

Shit, this is shit crazy. How many times have I told myself time and again not to be blinded by all the things that don't last? Yet, I've lost track on how many times I fell for the deep shit hole. I think , it's myself and this oblivion I hate. Sure, school took up almost half of the times of my life for the past 2 months, & then I have work which replaces school during this term break. Another half of my life, I would rather spend it on shopping, or doing unneccessary stuffs like dolling myself up for people who I don't even care about. This is fucking crazy, can't you see ?

My relatives would soon be gone, and so is my maid. Leaving my house totally wiped-out empty. & when they're gone, a pang of loneliness / emptiness would sure creep up, no ? Sucks. I don't even want to do anything, right now, other than being in indonesia with my whole family ( or half of it ).

This feels like secondary four, all over again. Staying at home all by myself; eating endless train of junk food; still feels lonely, no matter what. Fucking sad how my life always ends up at the same damned spot.

12:52 PM

Thursday, June 12, 2008

What a girl to do when she feels like a turd ? call & bitch.

I know I haven't been really out there for work is wearing me thin. The world pretty much gets smaller & smaller, and smaller each day. Like, one day it'll be from the cafe to GAP, another, it'd just from the executive to GAP. Rough times, it'd just be workplace. Sucks to the motherfucking core, I'm telling you. & this is not exactly how I would like to waste my life away; to find dollar dollar bill. What differentiates me with old folks, then? I swore to myself that I will not work a job that I loathe.

Though I've been aleniating myself, I know I can always count on some people to make me feel better about the whole situation. Even mr cc eyecandy did by caring. I mean, gotta give him some credits for that, it's not like we've known each other that long. It feels great to have bestfriends, this kind of bestfriends.

12:02 PM

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

You know what's good about yesterday? Not at all on the date, but very much on the rest of the day. It felt really, really good to have someone waiting for you to reach home and bombard you with so many questions, you would not even know what to catch. If you think it's nice to have this kind of pure freedom, you're totally got it twisted. Going home to an empty house is not nice. Deciding for your own self what's good and what's not is totally not nice.

10:14 PM

Monday, June 09, 2008

I am so uninspired. My english is sickly deteriorating.

7:59 AM

Sunday, June 08, 2008

[ And now for something funky ... ]

Today's morning shift. ( jumping with joy) Today's work was bloody fun, thank you. It was pretty stressing because everything was all over the place, but we came over that and sales today was pretty good, I supposed. I've sold hundred pairs of shoes so far. Bloody cool, aye? (:

DATE DATE DATE DATE DATE with two honeys today! :D

8:58 PM

Saturday, June 07, 2008

[ My God, My Dear ]

I been very busy with work, lately. Like full shifts almost every day, this period of my life. It would all be a way better idea of a fun thing if only meme is around, too, but I'll make do with this. ( Speaking of honey, meeting her on monday, & off for a date in the evening with mr cc. eyecandy ) But even this, I'm liking this more than to rot at home and think much about life and love. Cheers.

Met Yiling and anisah In the morning! <3

8:28 AM

Friday, June 06, 2008

[ I'd love to see LA ]

Despite the termperature, I still went for work because there wasn't enough people working so said. How the hell should I know it's just a line.oh well. Work was goodie good today. Couldn't stop laughing whenever alex is around. Huiqi came by today on the way to her work.

What the hell, it's friday and I worked. I remembered going to work last march in the evening. It felt so ... lively, in a way. & next term onwards, my friday's nights would be given away in school for squash practises that would last till 9. Going to work on most of the days because a good camera is what I aim for. Aunts are coming tomorrow. Mad yayness.

on the way home today, sabrina said hi to this worker at this cafe. Let's call him my MC eyecandy. hahahaha

9:43 AM

Thursday, June 05, 2008

[ Bestfriend ]

Hello Dionne Rochelle Alviedo. Hello bestfriend.

It's been almost three years since we knew each other, hasn't it? We sure had come a long way, together. You stayed with me through thick and thin, and I hope I was there in times you're down. We watched each other grew old for the past three years and I know you. You're the loud bestfriend who throws calculators at people who irritate you. You're the big sister who has been taking care of me, and been taking care of me good.

There are so much things I want to blog here about what you mean to me; but I probably would be too busy wiping off tears that roll down than concentrating on the right words to type. I hope you know, I love you. For better or for worse, you can always count on me. & if the whole world seems to be against you, just remember my dear, remember I'm always here for you.

Happy 18th birthday, baby girlfriend. I hope you'll have a fucking cool 18th year of your life. & I hope I will still witness the next birthdays in the later chapter of your life. hugs(:

11:15 AM

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

I swear in the name of all the 7 generations I would have that I would never bloody wear heels to work, ever again in my whole three weeks of my life. I literally felt like killing everyone and damaging everything. It was that bad, my friend.

9:44 AM

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

[ we're the schus ]

Yo, people. Second day was great great great. Sometimes you just get to the point whereby you get so sick of walking because you been doing it for hours, all you want to do is to hop in those red shoes. Meme could make it big as a supervisor, I'm tellin' you. haha. David is the shit nagger. Despite that, today was great. Met cc eyecandy after work. & well, here I am. All shagged and whacked.

I still remember whenever Alvin would hit me each time that I didn't greet customers who passed by, or how I would stand for 4 hours almost every day in a week on the same Godforsaken spot looking at people in daiso, or how dirty staffs can talk, or how you'd always , to no avail, visitted me in the host spot just for the heck of it. I wonder what did I do wrong. shrugs

But, this will do, ma' shizzle. My colleagues are fun, & I'm working with meme honey. Even climbing up the ladder is cool, though I think my eyes would gone bad soon due to the bad lighting and uber-small words. I could juggle both, buying and selling shoes, at the same time, forgetting the fact that, my commission couldn't cover the pair of shoes I've bought. You want fun? I have.

9:50 AM

Monday, June 02, 2008

[first day of work ]

First day of work was cool shit. I remembered, I always have something good for my first days. Like say, my first day of secondary school; My mum sent me. My first day of work at hogs breath; Hailey baby sent me. My first day of Poly; He sent me. Today; I had lunch with CC eyecandy ( plus the damn good smell and smile ). Let's not forget my birthdays, they're always so memorable in its' own antique way. Thank God for that (:

Anyhoo! Worked with three new colleagues today! I bought two pairs of shoes for myself though. Damn shiznit , Im telling you. I'm freaking tired, now. I'd see you tomorrow.

First day was so first day, If you know what I mean. something more for 55.

11:38 PM

Sunday, June 01, 2008

[ my grandmama ain't the only one calling me baby ]

HAPPY SUNDAY, peopleeeee!

Went to church in the morning and to stadium once it ended! I swear I'm super duper unfit. I blacked out, man. Like straight up, I did. My good luck holds though, having been there for at least twice now, I knew when I'm going to fall flat on my face, so I managed to sit down on time and blacked out there. hahaha. Bloody hell, I need to start attending practises regularly as of next term, already.I told spsquash that I'm gon' go back so I couldnt attend practises during the holiday.That's actually just to buy sometimes to buy racket. heee, can't bloody wait! & of course, chinese classes so I could be accepted in the community with this kind of brown yo'.

Watched narnia yesterday. SHIT COOL, man, SHIT COOL! I didn't even feel my neck breaking eventhough we sat in the first row for what seemingly 3 hours.It was ironman cool yo'. Speaking of which speaking of which, work starts tomorrow! And, I'm going to work at suntec, actually. Suntec people, suntec okay. hahaha. Do drop by for dinner/lunch with me, promise I'd be a sweetheart (hee). I'm going to work with meme, somehow, I'm thrilllllled !:D

I think I should give up, already. You start ignoring my messages, for God's sake, you never did. I'm such a disaster. rahhhh. Bloody hell. I'll be busy enough not to think about you though, I hope.G'day mister.

5:10 PM